I'm now a stay-at-home Mum of two. I know what you're thinking...last time I blogged I'd only just had my first baby...well life is pretty busy now and time/motivation to blog is rare. I generally have blogging thoughts while I'm out walking the dog, but unfortunately that's not particularly a good time for writing! By the time I get home and have any time for things like that, I have no idea what it was I wanted to write.
Today, however, is one of those very rare occasions that I am actually sitting down and writing. My youngest, 2 and a half month old N, is fast asleep in the sling. My eldest, P, has fallen asleep in the pushchair on our way home from walking the dog, and normally I wouldn't let her sleep during the day, as it makes for horrible bed times and 4.30am wake up calls...but today I am feeling blessed to get a break (and we're out later so she'll be going to bed late anyway!)
I woke up this morning feeling totally wiped out and not in the best state of mind to be dealing with a toddler who is most definitely going through the 'terrible twos' plus a 2 month old baby, who...well...needs feeding and changing and all the other things babies need!
At one point this morning, I almost posted a status on facebook to say 'WANTED: 5 minutes peace and some sanity. OFFER: 2 children and a dog...free of charge!
Instead, I decided to pray. I prayed for peace and strength, patience and compassion to deal with my 2 year old who I was sure was just determined to break as many things as she could while I fed the baby! I prayed that in the midst of all my emotions of frustration I would find the strength to praise God for today...everything about today. To see the blessings and to smile.
I hadn't even finished my prayer when P climbed up onto the sofa next to me and tried to open my eye saying 'Do you wanna build a snowman?!' (Anyone who has young kids and has watched 'Frozen' so many times you know all the words whether you like it or not, will know what my daughter was acting out!) and I had to laugh. All the tension immediately melted and I just wanted to burst! She's so awesome...even if she drives me crazy sometimes...she's always gonna be awesome!
(This is how desperate I am to keep my peace and quiet for a little bit longer...I have actually just signed for a parcel through the living room window so that I didn't have to go into the hall and move the pushchair to answer the door, for fear of waking P up!...yes the postman laughed at me!)
When I sat down to write this blog I was feeling quite negative again. It's wet and windy outside and P cried most of the way round the park wanting to get out of the pushchair. But actually, now that I have had chance to collect my thoughts and get them out...I'm reminded once again how much I love my kids and how I wouldn't change my job right now. I don't want to miss these moments. The moments of carnage where I end up sinking to the floor in fits of giggles...laugh or cry people, laugh or cry! The moments that after driving me crazy for hours, my 2 year old picks up a book of songs and starts singing them, wanting me to join in with her. The moments when my baby boy gives me the biggest smile he can muster, lighting up his entire face and melting my heart in one beat. The moments where I am walking along the road, carrying my baby in the sling, pushing the pushchair (which, by the way, acts like a parachute in the wind!) and holding on to the dog, whilst being blown backwards as I attempt to walk up a hill and thinking to myself 'I used to take some pride in the way I looked and would feel self conscious if I knew that my hair was a mess or I looked tired etc...I'm struggling to remember what that was like to have time to worry about those things...!' And this moment right now...when they are both asleep and the house is silent apart from the tapping of the keys on the laptop as I type, when I can think straight and remember that through it all...I am blessed.
Ask me again later if I'm still feeling this way...but for now...it's a nice calm feeling that I will enjoy for as long as I can...and eat cake!
Until next time... :)
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